Just Five Words

I began my New Year's resolution post today, I know it should have been out at the beginning of the week, but I needed to invest thought and prayer into how I wanted to tackle 2011, before posting.

However, I have unintentionally deleted my almost finished post twice now, and I just couldn't try to duplicate another. But I wanted to at least put something out there...

2010 was a VERY challenging year for my family and me, full of changes, bleak and difficult decisions, and forced sacrifices. My heart felt like it was in constant tribulation, very unstable and emotional, never knowing when the next hard blow would come. 2010 felt like a war zone, and I am coming out with many battle scars.

I like many people love to begin my new year with a resolution of how and what I will change in the next year. My list usually contains big dreams and goals, some attainable...some not, but always chocked full of anticipation and hopeful enthusiasm! This year is different, my heart is different, and to make a list of what I want to change seems overwhelming. Also I fear I might fail If I set goals for change with a list of such immensity. So, instead I plan on taking one giant step back to focus on a subtle change, instead of trying to conquer things I cannot.

I enter into 2011 at a loss for words, and I am okay with that. Usually when faced with a challenge I rev up and fight with all I have. I am not one to back down quickly or quietly, but today...here and now, I am out of words. The image I have in my brain is of a toddler who isn't getting what they want...they have thrown themselves on the ground kicking and screaming, giving it all they have in hopes that their loving parent might change their mind. They eventually let go, exhausted, silent, and ready to surrender. It is at this point that a loving parent scoops them up, whispers loving and consoling words into their ear, and gently sets them on their feet again. The child doesn't always know or understand the heart of the parent, trust is learned and gained over time. My year has been full of so many circumstances I don't understand, but I am ready to listen to the heart of a loving and caring Father who does!

I am ready to be silent, I want to be still, I need to see, I am longing to hear, and will surrender to His good and perfect plan for my 2011. These are the words that will define my upcoming year. My resolution for 2011 is to listen to the silence, the Lord is there, and He will guide me if I listen.